Monday, September 2, 2013


Something suddenly pricks the heart, exactly right there where it happens to carry the feeling called saudade. A surge of indescribable pain and a heavy mist of worthless longings fill the room, surpassing every other feeling that resides there. The heart knows that the reality is different and accepts the harsh veracity that these longings will forever remain futile. The loss is too big to be ever filled by anything else; perhaps too close as well.

Brick by brick, the world turns concrete
Word by word, I still keep you alive
The surge, the pain, and the futile longings
Glints of bliss embedded within.

Misty mornings and the autumn leaves
The golden, the barren; merged in soil
Watered in tears and in silence.
In words, in clutters, and emptiness.

How not to love you; I find it hard
Why to hold on, I know not
Life goes on, over the rail tracks
With box full of memories tugged along

Ways of heart, O! How to comprehend
Tenho saudades tuas, it is the love that remains
"saudade [saw-oo-da-ji] (Noun) is a Portuguese and Galician word that has no direct translation in English. It is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or deeply melancholic longing for something or someone that was loved and then lost, with the knowledge that it or they might never return; “the love that remains”.
It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling. In Portuguese,
"Tenho saudades tuas" (European Portuguese) or "Tenho saudades de você" (Brazilian Portuguese), translates as "I have saudade of you" meaning "I miss you", but carries a much stronger tone. In fact, one can have saudade of someone whom one is with, but have some feeling of loss towards the past or the future.  
Saudade is seventh most difficult word to translate of all words in all languages and thus is, unsurprisingly, untranslatable.  
Interestingly in Brazil, a Suadade Day is celebrated and the official Saudade Day is on January 30" Source: Wikipedia

 I have saudade of many things. And I have tried to list seven of them here in this post.

1. My maternal Grandparents: Unfortunately I didn't have the luck to grow up in their laps for certain familial reasons. But whatever time I have spent, were priceless. My heart longs for them, for their love, care, and the innumerable rajkahinis. I wish I had them a li’l more.

 2. Bicycle: No matter how big I grow up this acute urge to go to school riding my own Ladybird with books and bunch of flowers in its front basket can never leave my soul alone. My heart cries to realize that I never got this chance to fulfill this dream. This unfulfilled desire follows me relentlessly.

Read my poem  Bicycle Stories. ~incomplete .

 3. Yellow Butterfly: I was very small back then. And there she was fluttering on the floor, the smallish butterfly I have ever seen. Bright yellow in color. My mother and sister woke me up so that I can look at it. I saw and it was an instant love. I don’t know what hit me; I cupped my hands over it, lest it flies away. The yellowish powder from its wings were stuck on my palm. And there she was-DEAD. In my innocence to protect it, I killed it. The guilt remains and unlike that yellow butterfly it refuses to die. I have loved it with all my heart. Now the love and the guilt follow me together.

4. Bayzid: My closest friend from school, who one day left me just like that. Not even a note he left for me. Why? May be someday he will come back to answer.

 5. My Diary and that sketchbook: I was never into diary writing. But I had one diary which was filled with scribbling, doodles, and yes stickers and stick-stones. There I had written one epic love letter (Anthony Gonsalvis to her Roopmati), using titles of many Hindi cinemas. It was my top notch piece of fiction letter and as it was written in those days when I had yet not taken up writing, was very close to my heart. Somehow it got leaked and I am proud to say that it made me quite famous in school and even my teachers could not resist smiling while reading it. About my sketchbook, well I can still visualize those strokes of pencils. The one that was my favorite was the one where I had sketched myself. I was sitting on bed with my legs stretched straight and the sketchbook on my lap. From my feet, I started to sketch myself and reached up to my neck and then there was some errand bunch of hair.

I don’t sketch any more. Nor do I decorate the pages of my diary. Sigh!

6. Pets: The love and bond I shared with them have surely surpassed the time. I pray wherever they are, they stay good.

7. Green Crocodile: I was never a doll person, nor did I ever like the extravagant toys. Rather I love small toys that we can find on traffic signals and in small toy-stores. The story dates back to my college days when I had crossed the age of playing with toys. One day my aunt bought this crocodile for his son. But the moment I saw it I knew it was mine. I did not cared a bit about my cousin's feeling and grabbed hold of it. It was meant to be mine forever and it was mine. Green in color; it used to crawl when the key was churned on. While crawling, its mouth used to open and close in perfect rhythm. The handle of the key was also in the shape of a crocodile; a smallish green crocodile. Then on one day, I found it broken. Needless to say my heart broke too.

I found the same toy in Haridwar, but my mom didn't buy it for me, saying that she will buy it from the next shop as the quality here is tad bad. Next, in no toy shop it was available. Few months back, I found a similar toy which was being sold in the traffic light area of Chirag Delhi. It was big in size and was multicolored. Again I Could not buy it.

Till date my heart and my eyes search for that green crocodile in every toy store. No luck yet. Sigh!

This list is in-exhaustive and I chose not to write about certain people and things.

I am sorry for a very long post again. I could not control my feelings. Who knew that this festival and this theme will let me discover myself?

Today I heartily celebrated my 1st official Saudade Day. 


Now dear readers, if you are still reading, do tell me what do you have saudade of? May you all celebrate a bit of your Saudade Day too,  right here in MyWhiteWindow


I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words 1st - 7th September 2013.

My Theme: To write on seven words that
  • We don't hear generally 
  • Non-English words 
  • Words that are untranslatable in English 
  •  Let's see, how can I include more varieties. 
  • And in the process to self-discover myself.

Let me know what do you think about my choice of theme for this Seven days of Writing Festival. 

Word suggestions are highly welcomed. So com'on bring it on. :)

Write Tribe

Look what I found while researching for Saudade, a beautiful collection of songs from an album called Saudade. Listen to them here at


  1. Saudade Day, huh, nice post peppered with some wonderful nostalgic moments and things that you saudade about.

    Nice take on the prompt as well, waiting for the rest...

  2. That's an excellent post. It actually forced me to look for things I have saudade for. Thanks Pree! <3

  3. Nice to know you through this post. I will saudade these days of the festival of words.

  4. saudade --- Am saudade of not pronouncing saudade . haha :)
    Loved ur post even if its long. THAT ROOPMATI love letter- one day u shud publish on blog.
    There are listless saudades in my life like ur green crocodile , diary and pets !
    Where shud I start ?
    One person I always remember is my friend another BayZid. Heart longs for people always though things also matter :)
    Good day

  5. The poem very aptly describes the emotions behind the word 'Saudade'. Beautiful post...I feel for you in the first point...someone really really close is going through some hard times. :( Her maternal grandparents are all alone deprived of the joys of fondling and spoiling their grandkids :(

    You have captured the essence of the word really well...'feeling of loss towards the past or future'...

    N next time I see a green crocodile like toy...I know m definitely gonna think of u :)

  6. And I depart with saudade for this post.

    1. I second Suresh! Such a fabulous post! The small yellow butterfly reminded me of the days we used to run in and around the garden to catch these lil yellow butterflies and then hold them in our hands and free them again and feel and smell the yellow powdery stuff on our fingers...

  7. This is amazingly creative! It shows your passion for words and I love it!

  8. Again I learnt a unique word today.

    My saudade are uncountable but if I have to mention some of them then they'd be: I wanted to learn flute, but I never tried for it. I was part of my school's march band, and I played flute but after school never continued learning it and whatever I did learn, I forgot it too. Now I wanna learn it but time is the problem.
    Second is sketching and painting. I always loved it, wanted to take professional training of it. Never actually did.
    There's lot more, but why spam your comment box with my rants?

  9. wonderful post Preeti... keep walking!!!

  10. Loved it! If someone asked me at random then for sure my answer surely be saudade to be a singer and to play Guitar nonstop! i know it is difficult ;) though my saudade are endless!

  11. na jaane kyun
    mere dil mein itna pyaar hai
    mile ya na mile
    tere yaadein dil pe savar hai
    ankahi baatein
    sirf wohi hai ab bacha abhi
    agar tumhe mile
    to sun lena woh baatein kabhi


    am not sure if that came out right, but I have nothing but admiration for your post, the word and your poem in particular, Preeti di. beautiful.

  12. Aww...I am endlessly charmed by this post and your emotions behind it. if I did not have the vcommitment to read others, I'd have been here rereading it whole day..I am super sure to revisit! I Saudade for my childhood days, the ones I spent in high school with a friend I'd not met in 2 decades :-(

  13. Loved your post Pree. I have saudade for many things and people especially one very dear to my heart my first crush, who unfortunately died so young.

  14. "I have saudade of you"... I will be using this from today onward.

    I have sundade of my long lost friends, childhood, past, people i lost...oopz so many I guess! Sundade day post is gonna appear on my blog too very soon.

    Very Beautiful post! :)

  15. I could relate with the meaning of the word, well. It present in my everyday life... so I think I should celebrate it daily. I liked your part of memories, esp. feeling for the yellow butterfly... very sweet! I too miss many of my paintings which could never redrawn by me anymore.
    I have seen green crocodiles in our madras crocodile bank, but I don' know whether they have key options to move.

  16. believe it or not, i just did a post yesterday on my bade papa, and this word seems to exactly echo my sentiments for him....

  17. Fab saudade. It' so beautiful and love ur list:)

  18. Wow ...this is the best i have read till now in the festival ... the yellow butterfly made my heart sink ... What a theme really ... look forward to the 5 more words from you

  19. It seams your every post keeps my mind setted like hard to define Saudade even its an latin word from portuguese sister language ....may be that feeling I still have after loosing Paolo Cohello's my single book ( so strange..isnt it ? )or may be the song I like very much Chega de SAUDADE of a singer I cant remember but which is still sounding in my I corect ??

  20. I have written about a Saudade in one of my unsent letters. A letter to my best friend. I learnt one more word. This reminds me of Saudard in Hindi. :(

  21. I have heard the word before but never had it explained quite so beautifully. Only you, among my circle of friends, can capture emotions so beautifully. I feel the longing.....I will keep my eyes opened for a green crocodile!

  22. Unlike Corinne I have never heard of the word. It so happens that I have this feeling for many. How I wish I had heard it before and perhaps felt more connected to those thoughts...

    I absolutely love your theme, they are adding so many dimensions to us, and for this I promise a crocodile :D :D


  23. You really surprise me Preetilata :) Your post evokes many feelings of lost opportunities and unforgettable memories. The word Saudade takes me home to the sandy palms and the spirit of "susegadh ":)

    Thank you for these longings :)

  24. fantastic...fabulous write :)
    i have written about my Saudade here -
    Karan - Grand Mother

  25. Long post but totally worth every second spent reading it. What a beautiful word, saudade! This is the missing word that describes what I want described. Thanks for writing this lovely post.

  26. ye are a bitch. bitchy.

    1. Hhahaha... This can't get better than this that a COWARD calls me a bitch. :D :P


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